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Description:
PSAT 1.8 Writing Narrative Walkthrough. How would you change the underlined portion, if at all?
Transcript
- 00:00
Thank you We sneak And here's your shmoop du jour
- 00:05
brought to you by spacewalks not to be confused with
- 00:09
space runs which are well something totally new All right
- 00:13
check out this Basset gemini for luna Walked in space
- 00:16
with living in one Gus grissom Hey gus And exuberant
Full Transcript
- 00:19
Great Tremendous All right how would you change the underlined
- 00:23
portion below if it all this thing right at the
- 00:25
end of his space walk also called extra vehicular activity
- 00:29
or e v a which had lasted for twenty minutes
- 00:33
All right here Potential answers All right Okay All right
- 00:36
Well we wonder if mr white was as excited after
- 00:39
completing his space walk as michael jackson was every time
- 00:42
he finished doing the moonwalk That's one happy pop star
- 00:46
All right well what's the dealio here We're told to
- 00:49
check out a portion of the passage and see if
- 00:51
there's any clearer and more concise way toe word things
- 00:55
let's Hope so Because at the end of a spacewalk
- 00:58
also called extra vehicular activity or eva which had lasted
- 01:01
twenty minutes is an absolute mouthful We know these guys
- 01:05
are in the habit of recording every little detail of
- 01:07
their missions But this is way tio am i This
- 01:10
is neither the time nor place to get into other
- 01:12
names for a spacewalk or what acronyms stand for We
- 01:15
just want to know when he was exuberant We don't
- 01:18
need his whole life story What about just changing it
- 01:21
toe Finally like option b thinks we should do well
- 01:24
it's definitely more concise but we're losing a lot of
- 01:27
clarity here Finally what At the end of time the
- 01:30
word just doesn't quite communicate that it was white's spacewalk
- 01:33
that had him all giddy So let's keep looking Should
- 01:36
we change it To see at the end of his
- 01:38
twenty minutes spacewalk also called extra vehicular activity or e
- 01:42
v a well deja vu This one is slightly different
- 01:46
from option a it's been re ordered a bit but
- 01:48
it's basically the same thing and still far too much
- 01:51
info So sadly it's not going to be us and
- 01:54
option c forever Well d on the other hand totally
- 01:57
hits the mark after his twenty minutes bayswater boom it
- 02:01
short and sweet and doesn't let any other nonsense get
- 02:03
in the way Uh that one wasn't too bad In
- 02:06
fact it was kind Of a space walk in the 00:02:08.318 --> [endTime] park Frank
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