ShmoopTube

00:04

[Coop and Dino singing]

00:13

Friendship is all sunshine and rainbows and puppies, right? Like a big group of smiling [Friends sitting in front of a rainbow]

00:17

people holding hands and spinning around in a circle?

00:20

No? Guess not. Actually, sometimes interactions with friends can end up being mean, hurtful, [Pie hits man in face]

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or even violent.

00:26

Okay, that got really dark, really quick.

00:28

If you think about your own friends, you probably have a lot of things in common.

00:31

Maybe you all like to play Xbox… [Friends playing Xbox]

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…or you have a bunch of inside jokes…

00:35

…or you hate sports…especially sports that involve balls of any kind. [Tennis ball hits woman in the face]

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Which is, uh…really limiting yourself, we might add.

00:41

Whatever the specifics, your group might have a certain "box" into which you all fit comfortably.

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Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing…but it can cause problems.

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The attributes and characteristics that help make you and your friends, well… friends… [Football players inside a box]

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might push you to exclude people who don't quite share the exact same traits…people

00:58

who don't quite fit into your "box."

01:01

And sometimes the decisions about who fits in your friend box won't even come from you,

01:05

but from some of your friends. Which means our decisions about friendship are coming [Friend whispers in girls ear and new girl walks away]

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from other people or, worse… from fear.

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And that’s when excluding can get mean, or hurtful, or even violent. [Man punches football player in the face]

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Which is…not good. Especially when there are no paramedics nearby.

01:20

When it gets to this point, we're talking about social violence: using a group of individuals [Dino discussing social violence]

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to hurt or harm others by means of exclusion, bullying, or manipulation.

01:29

Yeah…bullying can be a form of in-school violence, [Kids bullying a boy on the bus]

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and it doesn’t even have to involve punching.

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When certain people or cliques make it hard or impossible for others to learn and grow

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at school, they're engaging in bullying behaviors. Bullies use force or manipulation to get people

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to do what they want. They often threaten, use put-downs, or exclude others to create fear. [Coop explains bully tactics]

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And, sadly, we don’t all have patronuses we can conjure to take care of that little issue.

01:54

If you experience bullying, there's no need to lose hope. You should always try talking first.

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Talk to the bully – or bullies – and tell them to stop…let them know how their [Bully holding boy's glasses]

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behavior makes you feel.

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That might sound a bit touchy-feely, but it’s important. It seriously might make a difference.

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Sometimes bullies – especially groups of bullies – don't realize how cruel they're

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being. Remember, they're people, too, and most people…even the kind of people who [Locker door swings open and man appears]

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tend to lock other people inside hall lockers… don’t enjoy making others feel bad.

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If the bullying continues, talk to a trusted adult to get the bully to stop, and to help

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sort things out between the two of you. Believe it or not, adults can be sort of helpful sometimes. [Two boys in a meeting at the counselor's office]

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Friendship doesn't have to end with social violence, and the more aware you are of when

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you're excluding people, the less likely it'll be to happen.

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Okay, are we back to fun, happy rainbow time now? Yes! Rainbow time! [People celebrating with a rainbow]

02:40

Whew, that feels much better.

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