Quote 25
At home I used to spend calm, pleasant nights with my family. My mother knit scarves for the neighborhood kids. My father helped Caleb with his homework. There was a fire in the fireplace and peace in my heart, as I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing, and everything was quiet.
I have never been carried around by a large boy, or laughed until my stomach hurt at the dinner table, or listened to the clamor of a hundred people all talking at once. Peace is restrained; this is free. (19.72-3)
Tris remembers, once again, how nice things were in the Abnegation household—firelight, knitting, family, reading A Game of Thrones. But now she's realizing that Dauntless has some awesome stuff to offer, too. She's starting to enjoy her Dauntless friendships—being carried, laughing, being surrounded by people, watching Game of Thrones on HBO. Has friendship replaced family?
Quote 26
Marcus shows us his hands. A belt is curled around one of his fists. Slowly he unwinds it from his fingers. (25.120)
Not all families are alike. There's Tris's loving family, and then there's Four's family: one kid, dead mother, abusive father who used to beat Four and imprison him in a small closet. Sure, Tris's family might feel wrong for her identity—but Four's family is bad for his health.
Quote 27
I stare at her. I sat next to her at the kitchen table, twice a day, for sixteen years, and never once did I consider the possibility that she could have been anything but Abnegation-born. How well did I actually know my mother? (35.25)
For Tris, a large part of growing up and getting her own identity is recognizing how her family members have their own identities. It starts with Caleb, who seems like the perfect kid, but who switches to the hated Erudite faction, and it goes on from there. Probably the most significant realization for Tris is this one, when she learns that her mom has her own identity and her own story.