Spy on Jason's Message Inbox
In an effort to provide you with the most up to date information, Shmoop's crack team of P.I.s recently hacked into Jason's email account. Read below to see what's been going with Jason ever since he took up residence in the Underworld.
A Correspondence With Heracles
To: strongguy95@godsofolympus.com
From: goldenboy@elysium.com
Subject: Hey buddy
Yo Heracles!
Hey, old chum. Hope all is well up on Mt. Olympus. Just chilling down here in the Underworld thinking about the good old days. Man, can you believe the times we used to have? Too bad you couldn't have made it all the way to the end of the quest for the Golden Fleece. You should have seen that dragon at the end. He was insane!
So, hey, I couldn't help but notice that you...well, were made into a god after you died, and I...well, I kind of...wasn't. Do you think you might put in a good word for me? Is there anything you can do? The Underworld is totally getting me down.
Your Friend,
Jason
To: goldenboy@elysium.com
From: strongguy95@godsofolympus.com
Subject: Re: Hey buddy
Hey, J. Sorry, no can do.
-H
To: strongguy95@godsofolympus.com
From: goldenboy@elysium.com
Subject: Re: Hey buddy
Wow, that's all you have to say to me? After all we went through together? I thought you were my pal. I guess you're just too busy now, being a super cool god and all that.
Well, I hope you're happy being the mighty Heracles. Seriously dude, you totally and completely suck.
J
To: goldenboy@elysium.com
From: strongguy95@godsofolympus.com
Subject: Re: Hey buddy
Jason, there's no reason to get an attitude. Hardly any mortals are ever made into gods. I'm just that magnificent.
If you wanted to be a god so badly, you probably shouldn't have ticked the gods off by stepping out on Medea. Just saying...
-Herc
To: strongguy95@godsofolympus.com
From: goldenboy@elysium.com
Subject: Re: Hey buddy
You were cheating on your wife when you died! That's how you ended up getting killed!
J
To: goldenboy@elysium.com
From: strongguy95@godsofolympus.com
Subject: Re: Hey buddy
What can I say? I'm blessed.
-H
A Correspondence With Medea
To: whichwitchiswhich@darkmagic.com
From: goldenboy@elysium.com
Subject: Cease and Desist
Medea,
This is the last time I'm going to tell you this: stay away from my house. It wasn't bad enough that you killed our kids, now you have to haunt me in the afterlife? The Underworld is already gloomy. I really don't need you peeking into my windows and going through my garbage all the time. It's just creepy.
Look, I know that maybe it was a bit insensitive to get married to Glauce while I was still married to you, but this has to stop. We're dead! Get over it already. Let's just get on with our lives...well, deaths.
-Jason
To: goldenboy@elysium.com
From: whichwitchiswhich@darkmagic.com
Subject: Re: Cease and Desist
How dare you accuse me of such a thing!? You think I would stoop so low?
I don't know how I ever loved you. Eros and Aphrodite must've done a serious number on me. You are such a pathetic man. I can't believe people even still think of you as a hero. You knew you couldn't do it yourself, so you rounded up that herd of heroes you call the Argonauts to get you to Colchis.
Then when you got to my father's kingdom, you seduced me and made me do all the work. Without my advice and magic, you never would've gotten my father's Golden Fleece. I can't believe I betrayed him for you! I wish I'd let his dragon and invincible warriors and fire-breathing bulls rip you limb from limb!
Every night I dream of new ways to make you suffer, you pitiful pathetic little man!
Medea
To: whichwitchiswhich@darkmagic.com
From: goldenboy@elysium.com
Subject: Re: Cease and Desist
See, it's that kind of anger management problem that leads people to do totally psychotic things like kill their own kids.
J
P.S. Mermeros and Pheres say, "Happy Mother's Day." Ha! Gotcha.
To: goldenboy@elysium.com
From: whichwitchiswhich@darkmagic.com
Subject: Re: Cease and Desist
YOU...WILL...PAY...FOREVER.
xoxoxoxox
M