Enter Antipholus of Syracuse, First Merchant, and
Dromio of Syracuse. FIRST MERCHANT
Therefore give out you are of Epidamium,
Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
This very day a Syracusian merchant
Is apprehended for arrival here
And, not being able to buy out his life, 5
According to the statute of the town
Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
There is your money that I had to keep. He gives money. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, handing money to Dromio
Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host,
And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee. 10
Within this hour it will be dinnertime.
Till that, I’ll view the manners of the town,
Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,
And then return and sleep within mine inn,
For with long travel I am stiff and weary. 15
Get thee away. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Many a man would take you at your word
And go indeed, having so good a mean. Dromio of Syracuse exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,
When I am dull with care and melancholy, 20
Lightens my humor with his merry jests.
What, will you walk with me about the town
And then go to my inn and dine with me? FIRST MERCHANT
I am invited, sir, to certain merchants,
Of whom I hope to make much benefit. 25
I crave your pardon. Soon at five o’clock,
Please you, I’ll meet with you upon the mart
And afterward consort you till bedtime.
My present business calls me from you now. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Farewell till then. I will go lose myself 30
And wander up and down to view the city. FIRST MERCHANT
Sir, I commend you to your own content. He exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
He that commends me to mine own content
Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
I to the world am like a drop of water 35
That in the ocean seeks another drop,
Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself.
So I, to find a mother and a brother,
In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself. 40 Enter Dromio of Ephesus. Here comes the almanac of my true date.—
What now? How chance thou art returned so soon? | As soon as Egeon and the Duke leave the Ephesian marketplace, Egeon’s missing son, Antipholus, and his servant, Dromio, both of Syracuse, show up. (We’ll call them S. Antipholus and S. Dromio to avoid confusion, which abounds in this play.) An Ephesian Merchant advises the Syracusian men to pretend to be from Epidamium. The Merchant warns that if they’re found out to be Syracusian, they’ll get the death sentence, just like another poor Syracusian merchant the Duke has just condemned to die at sunset. S. Antipholus sends S. Dromio off with some money to get them a room at an inn named the Centaur. Left alone, S. Antipholus unloads his heart to us in a beautiful speech: he can’t be happy because he’s like a drop of water that’s fallen into the ocean, looking for its fellow drop of water. In the process of the search, he’s lost his mother, his brother, and himself. Warning: When Dromio of Ephesus—the other Dromio—enters, and S. Antipholus mistakes him for his Dromio (Dromio of Syracuse), all of the confusion begins. |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Returned so soon? Rather approached too late!
The capon burns; the pig falls from the spit;
The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell; 45
My mistress made it one upon my cheek.
She is so hot because the meat is cold;
The meat is cold because you come not home;
You come not home because you have no stomach;
You have no stomach, having broke your fast. 50
But we that know what ’tis to fast and pray
Are penitent for your default today. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Stop in your wind, sir. Tell me this, I pray:
Where have you left the money that I gave you? DROMIO OF EPHESUS
O, sixpence that I had o’ Wednesday last 55
To pay the saddler for my mistress’ crupper?
The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I am not in a sportive humor now.
Tell me, and dally not: where is the money?
We being strangers here, how dar’st thou trust 60
So great a charge from thine own custody? DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I pray you, jest, sir, as you sit at dinner.
I from my mistress come to you in post;
If I return, I shall be post indeed,
For she will scour your fault upon my pate. 65
Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your
clock,
And strike you home without a messenger. | Turns out the lost set of twins have been in Ephesus the whole time. Remember the boys also share names: Egeon’s twin sons are both named Antipholus, and the twin servants are named Dromio. So, like we said, when Dromio of Ephesus (we’ll call him E. Dromio for short) shows up at the marketplace, all sorts of mix-ups ensue. E. Dromio has been sent by E. Antipholus’ wife to bring the tardy E. Antipholus home. E. Dromio mistakes S. Antipholus for his master, and begs him to come to dinner. E. Antipholus’s wife is so peeved he’s late that she’ll surely beat poor E. Dromio if he returns without him. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season.
Reserve them till a merrier hour than this. 70
Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee? DROMIO OF EPHESUS
To me, sir? Why, you gave no gold to me! ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge. DROMIO OF EPHESUS
My charge was but to fetch you from the mart 75
Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner.
My mistress and her sister stays for you. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Now, as I am a Christian, answer me
In what safe place you have bestowed my money,
Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours 80
That stands on tricks when I am undisposed.
Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me? DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders,
But not a thousand marks between you both. 85
If I should pay your Worship those again,
Perchance you will not bear them patiently. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thy mistress’ marks? What mistress, slave, hast
thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Your Worship’s wife, my mistress at the Phoenix, 90
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner
And prays that you will hie you home to dinner. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, beating Dromio
What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave. DROMIO OF EPHESUS
What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your 95
hands.
Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels. Dromio of Ephesus exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Upon my life, by some device or other
The villain is o’erraught of all my money.
They say this town is full of cozenage, 100
As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
Disguisèd cheaters, prating mountebanks,
And many suchlike liberties of sin. 105
If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave.
I greatly fear my money is not safe. He exits. | S. Antipholus gets testy, as he mistakes E. Dromio for his S. Dromio, and thinks this man is talking nonsense (especially as S. Antipholus has no wife). S. Antipholus asks about the 1,000 marks he gave S. Dromio to use to get a room at the Centaur (the inn). Of course S. Dromio has no idea what he's talking about. Tensions get higher as E. Dromio keeps trying to get the wrong guy, S. Antipholus, to come home to E. Antipholus’s wife at their house, the Phoenix. S. Antipholus, fed up, smacks poor E. Dromio, and E. Dromio runs off, confused. S. Antipholus, once again alone, wonders at the strange and confusing exchange. He decides that S. Dromio was cheated of the money and didn’t want to admit it. Furthermore, S. Antipholus concludes that Ephesus is a crazy country, full of quacks and sorcerers. Satisfied with this perfectly reasonable explanation, S. Antipholus heads off to the Centaur to find S. Dromio and his money. |